TheDragonHat's Hexxit Roleplay Legacy
by TheMusicalBoy93
Summary: TheDragonHat spawns in a brand new world, with a brand new love for the game that seemed to have bored him for so long with a brand new Let's (Role)Play with a brand new modpack. Comedy and randomness ensues. Rated for innuendos and some language.


******Hello there, dear people of Fanfiction dot net. My name is TheMusicalBoy93. And welcome to my first fanfic story; "TheDragonHat's Hexxit Roleplay Legacy". This fanfic is based on TheDragonHat's new Minecraft roleplay series on his YouTube channel. Please feel free to check him out; TheDragonHat on YouTube, if you've never heard of him before. Some events of the story are poetic licence, so please don't hate on me for not following the events of TheDragonHat's adventures to the letter. This chapter is based on episode one of the series; Technic: HEXXIT ROLEPLAY..ish - #1 - OUR HATTED HERO. I hope you enjoy the first instalment of this novelisation of the epic journeys of TheDragonHat.  
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A lone figure stood amongst the cubist trees, gazing around in wonderment at the new land that stretched before him. His blue moustache tickled at his nostrils as it swayed in the cool afternoon breeze. His hat sat firmly atop his head, shading his eyes from the bright sunlight overhead. Dragon Hat smiled as looked down at the autumnal view of the forest below him, thinking to himself of the journeys he could have, and the friends he could meet.

"Ah, what a fantabulous day in Minecraftia." He sighed, contentedly. He stretched out his arms to crack a vertebrae or two before fishing into his pocket to pull out a small book entitled "Materials and You". "Hm." Dragon mused to himself. "That's queer. I don't remember finding this." He though aloud as he opened the thick leather covers of the book to page one for a brief skim. The first page was simply a contents page, containing only two illustrated topics. The first illustration was that of an oak sapling, followed by the words "Getting Started". Underneath was a picture of a crafting table with the word "Recipes". Dragon scoffed at the raw simplicity of the book. "Really?" He snorted with a snide sneer. Who wrote this book? On the inside cover, the name "Skyla" was written, as if signed as an author's autograph to prove its authentication, for what little worth it seemed to hold at present. Nevertheless, Dragon felt that he had to press on in the book, as the author clearly thought it necessary to write such a book about… whatever it was talking about. The next two pages were cluttered with words.

_Welcome to the first edition of Materials and You: Surviving the first day and beyond. Within these pages you will find the first steps to making the tools and materials you'll need to survive._

_This book is a magic copy; it updates whenever the original is modified. Check back occasionally for information on new things._

Already this book was shaping up to be some sort of kiddie's book on how to not be a noob on your first day out in the wilderness of Minecraftia. However, Dragon wasn't a noob. Not nearly in the slightest. He'd roamed many parallel worlds in his time. He'd fought in epic battles of kingship against such fearsome foes as Sir Indiana DaveChaos, the medical disaster in training, Gar, and the ever slippery Wysie, the most cunning mind to ever attempt to outfox the Hatter. He'd travelled a world where every task he performed, so local lore would have one believe, helped to feed a most ravenous, unseen, beast in the heart of the world. And most of all, he attempted a prison break with a _really_ annoying pig, all for the sake of finding a lost potato. Dragon skipped the following page, not even attempting to glance at the paper before turning to the next leaf. As he reached for the next page, however, the title of the page immediately caught his interest. "_Oreberry Bushes"_ the page read. Dragon's eyes widened as his jaw fell slack, dropping to his chest as he skimmed the contents of the page.

_Sometime in your travels you will happen upon the bush known as the Oreberry. They grow underground in dark places, and require close to complete darkness to produce anything._

_The berries can be melted down into nuggets and ingots, making them an invaluable source of metals._

Overleaf of the description was an annotated picture of a group of wild Oreberry bushes, each in varying stages of development. Dragon immediately withdrew all his previous thoughts of this book being made by some crazy fool writing a "How To" book for noobs. Finding a new sense of excitement in the book, he whipped through a few other pages depicting very helpfully described tutorials on how to build some pretty badass gear, like stencil tables, part crafters and pattern chests. He started to feel bad about doubting this awesome help book. "Why don't other people do this‽" He exclaimed. "We kind of, really, need that." He muttered as he wondered off aimlessly into the trees. Suddenly, there was a hiss behind him. A hiss that was all too familiar to him. The hiss of a Creeper. "ARGH!" He squealed as the walking time bomb self-destructed, blowing him back a little and exploding a small chunk out of the grass where the Player once stood. "Jeb-us ballsacks." He whinged, dusting himself down before merrily skipping off on his way again.

He jumped from cliff faces onto the trees below, making his way from tree to tree like a monkey, merrily la-ing along in his infamous tone-challenged way. As he was approaching a nearby shore, he felt a waft of air whoosh past his hat. Then a twang as something flexible embedded itself into a nearby tree trunk. He turned to see the bony face of a skeleton, eyeless sockets fixed firmly on his person, training his bow at the Player's kneecaps. Without any thought of personal safety or any idea of caution, he rushed toward the skeletal archer, swinging his mysterious book in the air like a paper shield as he strafed between arrows as the archer tried to hit his mark. Dragon bitch slapped the skelly with his book, disorienting the bony buffoon slightly until a stray arrow struck him in his kneecap. Dragon hissed in pain as he crumpled down onto his uninjured knee, rubbing his shot patella to try and massage some mobility back into it. The skeletal foe took his opportunity and fired his bow again, striking the hatted Player in his right wrist. "Ahhh! My fapping arm!" He wailed, jumping to his feet, squealing like a schoolgirl as he jolted the arrow in his knee. Another shot barely grazed his cheek, drawing a small line of blood on his face before Dragon picked up his book again and clubbed the skeleton in the skull several times until the cranium cracked open and the rest of the bones disintegrated into dust, dispersing into the wind. Dragon smirked triumphantly at his victory before noticing something lying on the floor where the skeleton had perished. Curious, he picked it up and inspected it closely. On close inspection, it looked to be a small shard of emerald. Shrugging to himself, and affirming in his head that he'd find out what this strange shard was at a later date, he stuffed it into his pocket and skipped away toward the coastline, whistling to himself joyously.

As he neared the water's edge, he noticed a tree that appeared to have spontaneously combusted just seconds before his arrival. "Ooh. A burning tree." He cooed, having never seen a tree that burned of its own free will before. "Oh, burning tree." He announced as he neared the burning omen. "Tell me your secrets." He beseeched as he jumped down a small ledge to approach the base of the burning tree's trunk. As he landed, however, his foot slipped and the toe of his trainer got melted slightly by a hidden lava pool, which was sheltered by an overhang of grass and mud. "Ow! Ow! OW! Oh Notch, ARGH!" He exclaimed in shock and pain. He managed to pull his foot free of the liquid fire and sat on the sand to fan his fried tootsies. "That's awful secrets, I don't like those." He whined as he dipped his sore foot in the water, a little bit of steam bubbling off the water as it extinguished his toes. He looked back to the lava and noticed something peculiar. He cupped his hands around his eyes like binoculars and noticed there was some sort of green glowing mushroom sat in the lava. But the lava seemed to voluntarily part around the mushroom, as if it was scared to try and burn it. "LOL!" Dragon chuckled raucously. "That's ridiculous." He chortled. Having giggled to himself about the physics defying mushroom, he rose to his feet and looked out across the water. Not too far out from the shore, he could see two ships. One flew a white flag with a pattern in semblance to a simple face. The other flew a black flag sporting the infamous Jolly Roger.

Being the naïve, somewhat derpy, plonker as he was, Dragon decided it would be a good idea to swim out into the natural bay to inspect the black flagged ship first. He jumped into the water and paddled his way out to the small seafaring vessel. As he neared, however, his ears slowly began to pick up on the sound of, what sounded like, asthmatic breathing. In all his experience, this could only mean one thing. Nether spawn mobs; Blazes. Slowly, he ascended the ladder on the side of the ship and peeked over the side onto the deck. The deck was vacant, so he slowly heaved himself onto the deck boards and looked around. Luckily, the top deck was just an open floor with no notable places to launch a proper ambush, he slowly stepped around the deck, looking out to see what was aboard this vessel. As he looked down, he noticed some of the floorboards were missing and, instead, were made of glass. He looked down into the bowels of the ship and saw a small metal cage with a Blaze inside it. He made his way to the back of the deck and popped his head down a small hole with a ladder, to get a proper look. He saw at least two or three orange mobs with smoke for torsos gathered in a corner, muttering to each other in some strange and ancient dialect. "Oh Notch." Dragon exclaimed as he pulled his head out the hatch and hurried across the deck. "I should not be down there, I'm leaving." He concluded, chuckling as he jumped overboard form the vessel and started to swim towards the adjacent boat. "I'm freaking leaving this place, that ship looks a lot nicer." He finalised, not quite prepared for the situation he was about to get himself into. As he neared the other ship, which was flying a white sail with a simple face pattern, he noticed a man stood on deck, wearing a full set of golden armour. As he drew nearer, it became apparent to the Player that this was a pirate. The pirate spotted him, and looked none too pleased to see him.

"Yar!" The pirate snarled, pulling a gnarled face at Dragon as he leaned over the railing of the ship. "Get out! Be gone!" He shouted in a Germanic, Arnold Schwarzenegger like, voice. "Do not come back, get away!" He demanded. Dragon ignored the man's protest and carried on swimming to the other side of the ship as he crossed in front of the boat's bow. As he approached the starboard side of the ship, he noticed another pirate stood on the edge of the gangplank. The man was dressed in chainmail armour, and had a black bushy beard upon his chin. Dragon swam a little nearer, splashing a little as he paddled toward the hull of the ship. Without a word, the chainmail pirate turned to face the approaching Player and drew a flintlock pistol. He fired without a peep, striking Dragon in the left shot with his musket.

Dragon retaliated by punching the gunner, knocking him off the plank and into the waters with him. As soon as the pirate touched the waters, he deployed his personal lifeboat to stay afloat the waters as he continued to fire at the hatter.

"Holy shit! WHAT‽" Dragon exclaimed as he found himself bombarded with musket rounds. "Oh Notch, he's got a- NO! NO!" He wailed as he frantically tried to swim away, two more lead pellets hitting him in the shoulders, drawing a worrying amount of blood. "Dive, dive, dive!" Dragon shouted to himself. He sucked in a big gulp of air and submerged himself below the water's surface, leaving the pirate to fie blindly into the water. The lead pellets were too heavy to travel far at speed in the water, and sank to the seabed soon after splitting the water's surface. '_Yeah, bitch!'_ Dragon crowed silently in his head with triumph as the frustrated pirate attempted to give chase. When he felt he was a good safe distance from his pursuer, Dragon resurfaced, flipping the double finger defence at the growling gunman. "NOOB!" He mocked. "Noo-noo-noo-noo-noob! Peg it!" He shouted as he turned away to swim as fast as he could. Eventually, the exhausted pirate gave up and retreated back to his ship as the moon began to rise as the last little glow of sunshine began to disappear over the horizon.

Dragon swam off toward the shore, still sporting the arrows in his knee and wrist as he paddled. "I'm gonna need a base of operations." He thought to himself. As he pondered his plan of action, he became distracted by a pair of squid. He decided to name the bigger leader Squishy the Squid. And he named Squishy's teammate Brian. As he looked at their tentacles, his thoughts turned to his wrist and how he wouldn't be able to fap tonight, which he concluded to deeply upset Squishy and Brian, who he reasoned with himself to enjoy seeing him fap to them, as bestial as it sounded.

Quickly snapping his thoughts away from weird and perverse sexual fantasies, Dragon pulled himself out of the water and onto dry land, shaking himself dry for a second before deciding his next course of action was to build himself a home. He set about getting wood, which momentarily brought his thoughts back to Squishy and Brian with their tentacles and his injured fapping arm, until he quickly caught himself and cleared his mind of those sorts of thoughts. He busied himself with punching a few logs of wood out of tree trunks, muttering to himself of how he envisioned his adventures would be, daydreaming to himself of the wonder and splendour he would find in this world. He was so preoccupied by these fantasies, however, that he barely noticed he had a Creeper sneaking up behind him until it almost blew him into a million pieces. He heard its ominous hissing just in time to react and push the creature away before it exploded, destroying a chunk of dirt, and knocking the hatted adventurer into the tree he was collecting from, knocking the wind out of him. Dragon shook his head to overcome the disorienting, and somewhat traumatic, experience and continued to punch the tree merrily as a lone cow watched on in derpy obliviousness. With his pockets now sporting a few dozen planks of wood, Dragon stated to continue on his way, until the sight of a skeleton deterred him. Having been jump scared only moments before by a Creeper, and having no proper means of defence, Dagon bravely decided to run away, squealing like a piggy as he felt an arrow strike him in the spine as he snaked between the trees to try and shake his aggressor. He came to a cliff that overlooked a river. Fearing the worst if he jumped, the Player turned to face his pursuer, and made his move. His jumped forward to bop the archer with his load of wood, earning himself an arrow to the gut as he landed just inches before the bony bowman and punched the archer in the ribs, knocking it off balance briefly. "DIE! DIE! DIE!" He chanted as he slapped the skeleton with his hardened wood, ducking behind a tree now and then when he saw the skeleton fire his bow at him. The fight was intense, and soon, Dragon had the skelly on the rope, and looked sure to win. But he was too wrapped up in slaying the bony bowman that he failed to notice another Creeper behind him until it exploded, killing Dragon in the aftermath.

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A faint bang was heard, and a large bearded man looked down at the Overworld to see what had happened.

"Your Blockiness." A swampy-looking man with vines behind his ears rushed to the side of the bearded man, placing his hands on his thighs as he bend forward to catch his breath. "The Hatted One has passed on." He solemnly reported.

"Impossible." The beaded gent exclaimed. "So soon?" It'd only been about nine and a half minutes since they summoned their chosen one to the lands where he was needed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, my Lord." The swampy man affirmed. "Maybe we were wrong."

"Never!" The bearded man roared. He raised a hand to the Overworld and threw down a golden apple. "He is the only one who can purge this forsaken land. We will do all in our power to see that The Hatted One fulfils his destiny."

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The golden apple landed in the spot where Dragon Hat had first been placed. The Player opened his eyes and looked around, smiling obliviously at the landscape as if he were seeing the view for the first time. Dragon spotted a cow precariously perched on the edge of a cliff, and found himself unable to fight the strongest urge to punch the cow over the edge to its doom in a moment of sadistic madness. Having successfully murdered a perfectly innocent cow, he jumped down onto the tees below and began jumping over the treetops like a monkey towards new adventures. He found himself strangely compelled to follow the sight of a somehow familiar coastline to a tree where a chunk of land seemed to be missing. There, on the ground, were a few loose bits and bobs he seemed to have had a strange instinctual desire to gravitate toward. He felt the strangest sense of déjà vu as he gathered the resources; an oak sapling, two oak logs, a couple of chunks of dirt and three pink flowers. As he turned to continue gathering the scraps, he found himself face to face with a large, green, penis shaped beast. The creature hissed; "That'sssssss a very niccccccce junk pile you have there." It lisped before erupting like an overfull water balloon. Dragon managed to punch the Creeper away and into a fellow Creeper as it exploded, weakening its ally. Dragon took his chance and swung his fists at the Creeper, knocking it away just in time as it blow itself apart. The victorious hatter continued to gather his treasures, felling a strong déjà vu moment as he picked up a weird green shard. As he looked among the debris, he found himself wondering if there was a book nearby. He didn't have the faintest idea what the significance of this book was, but something in the back of his mind was screaming to him that it was important. The hatter searched, but soon decided that whatever this book was, it was lost.

Not ready to face defeat, however, he decided to perform an ancient Minecraftian chant, allowing him temporary godlike abilities to summon any item he wished. Using his mind to probe through the infinite knowledge of the Programmers, Dragon found what he was looking for; a book entitled "Materials and You". He summoned the book into his hands, feeling a great wave of relief wash over him as he regained his possession, whatever it was worth to him. As he relinquished his god state and turned to leave, however, he found himself face to face with a zombie, who seemed to have an unnatural glow about him and a possessed look in his eyes.

"What the-? Who are you‽" He exclaimed. The zombie moaned dully.

"Me Ultra armoured Zombie the Brewmaster." The brainless creature announced and he slapped at Dragon's flesh. "Me have powers of Blastoff Exhaust Weakness Bulwark Alchemist Sapper." He droned as he chased after the hatter, who was chuckling to himself at the mixture of both lunacy and badassery of the zombie's title. He climbed to the top of a small mountain top to escape from the weirdly named Brewmaster and begin preparing a shelter. But as he was preparing the land for building, the Brewmaster staggered up the mountainside in pursuit, meeting Dragon at the top. The hatter madly flailed his wrists left and right at the zombie, striking his foe with bludgeoning accuracy. The zombie, however, fought back by casting hexes that inflicted the hatter with a starving hunger and a restriction of movement. After a minute of pure stalemated combat, Dragon bravely retreated down the mountainside, for fear of being outmatched by a brainless zombie. He ran into a snowy patch of shoreline, losing the Brewmaster zombie to fight another day. Dragon looked out at the snowy sand and said to himself.

"You know what, I think a beach house will be better for my travels." So he began to lay the foundations for his abode in the sands by the shore. He travelled back and forth through the night, building his house upon the sand and retreating back to the forest to beat his wood when he ran out of materials for his activities. He continued through the night and was barely finishing his foundations to the house he would call home by the time the Sun began to peak its sleepy head over the far off horizon.

After spending the night beating at his wood for his leisure and construction, Dragon decided to clear the floor of his house of the white beast that now covered the floor. The snow was easy to shift away, as the warming rays of the Sun began to melt the worst of it away for Dragon to remove the residue by hand. He cleared the grass and sand and began to replace it with a hardened wooden flooring, for he wasn't a fan of having to walk in dirt and sand in an area he would call home, rather than the wilderness he would have to fight to survive in. he slaved away in the rising dawnlight, building his abode with the materials he had, and beating wood when he had ran out. As he built his home, he looked to the skies and thought forward with hopeful eyes and a song in his heart, eager to find out what adventures would lie before him in his next great outing.

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**Well, I'm all out of time for this chapter. But I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of my novelised version of TheDragonHat's Hexxit series. As a side note, if you like YouTube parodies, and would like to fin out about some you maybe didn't know about, please feel free to check out my YouTube channel; TheMusicalBoy93, where I review my top five favourite parodies of a particular theme. I even take requests. Until next time, keep on singing, everyone.**


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